You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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