great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
