I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
