hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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