he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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