DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
