if you like me you must not know who I am
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
