Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
