Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
