I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
