girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
