Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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