I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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