I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
