If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
