Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
