First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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