I want to have your abortion
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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