I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
