Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
