I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
