somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
