We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
