The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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