I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
