That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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