Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
