I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
