Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
