We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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