Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
