she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
