Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
