YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
