Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
