he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
