NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
