I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
