I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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