I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
