So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize