They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
