just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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