Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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