So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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