my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
