When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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