How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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