There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The Olympian is in my bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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