Kiss
Puke
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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