I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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