we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
