the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
