Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
