He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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