Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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