he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
