3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
