So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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