the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
