Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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