doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
