Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
