I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
