This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
