you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Acid is not a monday night drug
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
