Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I met the friendliest cop last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
