One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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