guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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