He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
